Single Girls vs. Couples in Visors

June 16th, 2008 at 8:30 am . Posted in guest post .

Hello readers! Let me begin by telling you that I’m not Jamie. I’m not stylish, nor do I have cute Etsy works adorning my home. I don’t know anything about America’s Next Top Model, or Project Runway. I don’t have a blog so pretty I swoon when I see it, I don’t have a cute new hair do complete with perfect bangs and lastly- I don’t have a boyfriend.

I’m Brandy, I write at “It’s like, I’m…mmmagic“.

I bring up the singleness because it’s one more thing that Jamie and I don’t have in common. Yet, Jamie falls into a group of coupled people that I adore. The kind that manages to have a boyfriend, yet isn’t consumed by them. She mentions him, but never have I once read her blog feeling as though my life is less because I’m single. And that? Is something this single girl can appreciate.

Maybe it’s the season- summer brings out couples in full force- I find myself struggling to navigate sidewalks, determined couples refusing to let go of each others hand being my biggest obstacle. Or maybe it’s my recent movie viewing- watching Sex and the City (however much I disliked the movie), maybe me swooning for a Big of my own. Or maybe it’s my musical taste (“Paperweight” by Schulyer Fisk makes the idea of sleeping alone sound about as fun as chewing on tinfoil). Or maybe it’s all of these things. Or none of them. I just know that lately, I’ve found myself feeling like the world is divided into three camps- singles, couples who I adore (and Jamie falls into this group) and couples I want to bash over the head with my new wedge heels I bought while ignoring all those couples who dress alike on the weekends.

I’m not sure why the dressing identical bothers me (maybe it was the matching visors? Or maybe it was the fact that they wore visors in a clothing store to begin with?), but it does. So, to combat my rage, I thought I would make a list to share…..

5 Things I Want All Girls In a Relationship To Know

1. Jen and Brad would dress to compliment each other. Tony Parker and Eva do the same. Ditto Will and Jada. I’m all about dressing to COMPLIMENT the other person, but when I walk into a store and see you wearing the EXACT same Nike shirt, the EXACT same yoga pants (and sir, those pants were two sizes too small. And not in the good way, for shame!), the EXACT same visor (we already know what I think of wearing a visor inside) and the EXACT same shoes- it’s weird. And not “cool-we-are-so-cutting-edge

-no-one-understands-us-weird”, but “it’s-almost-like-we-are-pretending-we-are-twin-siblings-who-have-sex” weird. And that? Is not a look any couple should be striving for. For real.

2. “We” talk has it’s place. If you are both doing something, I completely understand why you would say “we”. As in “we are going to the lake on the weekend”. See? That makes sense. It implies both of you. I get that. But, when I hear someone say “we can’t go out. We have menstrual pains”. Or “we have a yeast infection” I get confused. And then annoyed. Remember, not every sentence can be “we”‘ed- and attempting to do so, makes you look silly.

3. Coupled women, nothing raises the hair on my neck, or causes me to reach for a shoe to hit you with faster, then the notion that YOU can’t do something YOU’VE been invited to do because your BOYFRIEND can’t make it. Don’t’ get me wrong, I’m all about including the boyfriend into many activities- I realize that coupling involves co-partying, but sometimes, some events do not require boyfriend attendance. Such as a lingerie party. And when you imply that you can’t make a party because your boyfriend is working or (worse) you plan on bringing your boyfriend to a chicks only event, it’s awkward. Because then I have to say “Well, actually, it’s just going to be girls- then we are going to meet the guys out later…”, I get turned into a man hater. Which, (if anyone reads my blog knows) is not true at all. In fact, I might love George Clooney more than my grandparents*.

4. It’s not cool to fall off the face of the Earth. Don’t get me wrong- I get the honeymoon phase. The phase of dating where you stop answering phones, returning emails, getting dressed- because EVERY FREE SECOND is spent grinning with that ONE PERSON you can’t get enough of. Seriously. I get that phase. In fact, I’ve lived that phase to the extreme. In university, I had a friend who got mad because once I fell in love, nothing mattered except the other person. I fell into a relationship black hole- losing track of time and space. She wouldn’t see me for days at a time. AND I LIVED WITH HER. So, I get this idea of the honeymoon phase. But? If the honeymoon phase lasts longer than a month, rest assured that your friends are going to send out a search and rescue party. And if the honeymoon phase lasts longer than six months- well, then your search and rescue party might close your file and move on to a case that wants to be found.

5. Lastly- please note that despite all my quips and barbs, single girls are happy when their coupled friends find happiness. There’s this idea that when our friends get coupled perfectly (like animals heading onto Noah’s Ark), that we are secretly pained, or painfully jealous. That’s not true- at least for me it’s not. At times, I will get frustrated thinking that I’m still looking for what they’ve found- but that’s when I’m focused on ME. When I think of the happy couple- I’m happy. Because every girl deserves her happy ending- whether it involves a man or not. And every girl deserves friends who support her- single or coupled.

Just don’t wear the matching visors around me.

* This is a joke. I love my grandparents. Maybe if George Clooney lectures me on gas consumption or teaches me how to make baklava he will win out- but until then, my g-parents will always have a bigger place in my heart.

45 Comments ( Reply )

  1. La Petite Belle
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 8:55 am

    Brandi, I just wanted to say that I’m also a reader of yours and I love you blog as well. You’re different, Jamie and you, and that’s a good thing. Also, I’m going to have to wriite a “why you’re lucky to be single” post on my blog because honestly, when you’re married sometimes you wish you were single. Some people say that, some people don’t. I get angry at my husband and call him my “starter husband”. to each their own. But the point is, you’re lucky to be single in a lot of ways, I just wanted to let you know that because being married is cool at times, and awful at other times. Oh and if you do find a Mr Big, please let me know if he has a brother. haha! it’s also nice to know that you also like Schuyler Fisk. I LOVE LOVE LOVE her music! and I also hated SATC:THE MOVIE. I disliked it with a passion. Like screaming for a refund.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  2. Miz
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 8:59 am

    I think a lot of women in a relationship should be forced to read and live by your “5 Things…” I couldn’t have written it better myself! Thanks for writing :-)

    [Reply]

    Reply

  3. Miriam
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:03 am

    What’s more annoying to me is when people get married and think all of the above is ok b/c they’re married. I’m married and I try very hard not to fall into a stereotypical category. Just b/c I got married doesn’t mean I can’t still have my own life. And it drives me bonkers when people act in the ways you’ve just described.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  4. chris
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:05 am

    I like Clooney better than your grandparents.

    Sorry.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  5. Maxie
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:06 am

    Love the 5 things- I have an additional one. If I invite you somewhere it’s probably okay if your bring your significant other, but please ask. It’s not fun to make reservations for a certain number, be assured that you will be flying solo for the night, and then realize your boyfriend has decided to tag along at the last minute. A phone call would have been nice. Gah.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  6. distracted spunk
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:16 am

    I feel as though there are many many many many women who need to take notice of this and read this. I’ve never been sucked into relationship vortexes. But I am guilty of getting so absorbed in conversations with my ex (when we were dating) that I wasn’t really able to pay attention to anyone else. Most people understood it, though there were one or two friends who were upset that I wasn’t paying as much attention to them. Guilty!

    Really though, I think so many people forget what it’s like to be single and have to deal with incessant coupledom.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  7. Matt
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:18 am

    I especially like the falling off the face of the earth part.

    I understand that when you first find love, it may consume your time. But seriously, don’t lose contact with me or anyone else because all of a sudden you are too dang busy.

    Lets not forget who will be there when you break up.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  8. sara jane
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:47 am

    I love this Brandy! Agreed. 1 million percent.

    I have a few friends that could take a lesson or 5 here!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  9. Grace
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:51 am

    #2 – say wha?? this actually happens???

    #5 – When they are looking at us thinking “Aw poor (single girl here). She must be so lonely and so jealous. We simply must invite her along to everything we do.” We are thinking “oh hell no. How the f do I get out of this? I’m not jealous. I’m not lonely. I’m f’ing annoyed.”

    [Reply]

    Reply

  10. chasingparadise
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:09 am

    Brandy, I’ve never read your blog before, but now I just HAVE TO! I really enjoyed this entry. :)

    I’ll try to keep all these pointers in mind…although I am not guilty of the black hole…I still hang out with my girls one-on-one and in large groups, and without the boys around. I totally value that time with them.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  11. Arielle
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:11 am

    I think added to number 3 should be girls who invite their boyfriends when the boyfriends weren’t invited. As in like “let’s get together for dinner.” “Okay, boyfriend and I will be there.” GO SOMEWHERE WITHOUT HIM! Jeez.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  12. Tricia
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:20 am

    As a married person I long for the days sometimes when I didn’t have to check the calendar before making a girls night out plan and I didn’t have to smooth it over with the husband first. To not have to clear my schedule with anyone sounds like near heaven! But there are advantages too – always know that I have a Saturday night date even if it’s just a pizza and a DVD. :)

    Matching outfits are VILE and should be outlawed! LOL

    [Reply]

    Reply

  13. Dingo
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:35 am

    We think you are great. We read your blog all the time. We don’t even mind when you bash us for wearing matching outfits, fanny packs, and tube socks. We think that you will not be single for very long and then we can all go out on double dates. And we can all wear matching visors! I can’t wait!!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  14. Sophia
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:47 am

    well-said Brandi!
    I think your and Jamie’s blogs are good complements…so this guest-blogging was a perfect match!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  15. e.
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:49 am

    I totally agree with this list and people’s additions. As the single girl, I feel like I’m constantly losing my friends to love or watching them morph into different people. Just because your boyfriend loves to golf does not mean that your life now has to revolve around golf too, especially if you always hated it before you started dating. One of my friends very rarely goes out without her boyfriend so I’ve learned when making reservations to just put them down as two even though only she confirmed. Like you said, I’m happy to see my friends happy but sometimes, I get very annoyed by the whole thing.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  16. brookem
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 11:16 am

    i agree with this post, in it’s entirety, 100%.

    and i also think miss jamie is absolutely lovely.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  17. Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 11:23 am

    Genius as usual, Brandy!

    I laughed out loud at your list– especially #2. I’ve never heard the “we have a yeast infection” (I hope that was a joke!), but I definitely know people who are physically incapable of saying the words I, me, or my once they are in a relationship. It doesn’t so much bother me as I just think it’s really funny!

    And I ESPECIALLY raise a glass to #3. I have a friend (who I love, love, love) who is so guilty of this. If I invite her out to dinner in what I think is pretty clearly a one-on-one invitation, her response is usually either “We can’t make it, _____ has to work” or “We’ll be there!” It doesn’t even really bother me, it just makes me laugh because she does it almost every single time! The most over-the-top example was when he actually REPLIED TO AN EMAIL that I’d sent her. Omg, ha!

    But I raise my glass to #5 as well. Most of my friends are couples and almost all of them have such amazing relationships that it gives me hope for the future and I think sets a good example for what I should hold out for.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  18. Sarah
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 11:42 am

    i hate when friends fall off the face of the earth because of a dude. my friend met a guy in october, got engaged 5 months later, and wants me to stand up in her wedding. guess when the last time we hung out was….yep OCTOBER!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  19. undercover celebrity
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 11:50 am

    Oh thank God I passed the test! I was really worried there for a minute.

    And I have to say BRAVO for the whole matching outfits portion of this post. Mark and I hadn’t been dating but a year when we went to Disneyland, which I should warn you ABOUNDS with matching-clothes couples. I turned to him and made him promise that we would NEVER EVER EVER wear matching ANYTHING. There’s a reason there isn’t a unisex section at department stores. :)

    [Reply]

    Reply

  20. alexa
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 11:52 am

    brandy this was awesome! i was happy to see this post.

    you are a single girl close to my own heart. this post was spot on! and hilarious too.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  21. well-intentioned heartbreaker
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 12:35 pm

    too cute. i love it!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  22. Rachel
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

    Love the post…

    [Reply]

    Reply

  23. bFlat
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 12:55 pm

    I can’t stand the “we” talk either, and who wants to have sex with there identical twin??? Thats just weird!!! Great guest post!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  24. GeekHiker
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 1:20 pm

    Oooh, you’re a guest blogger. That’s pretty darn cool.

    Just wanted to add that for guys it’s the same thing. I’ve seen my guy friends disappear of the face of the earth when the entered relationships. Sometimes it was because they were in the “honeymoon phase”, other times it was because she wouldn’t let him hang out with his old friends, sometimes it was because they only felt comfortable around other couples. Yeah, it’s annoying as hell to lose a buddy like that.

    I know for myself I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who gave up activities just because they were with me. All I have to do is imagine being with a girl who asked me to stop hiking. The horror! :)

    [Reply]

    Reply

  25. Jess
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

    This post is so funny, and also true. I always worry about that with Torsten, and for the longest time tried really hard to avoid even mentioning him on the blog. This is a good little checklist for me to return to in order to make sure I’m not violating the Code.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  26. Carrie
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 1:53 pm

    Oh, how I loved this post! I am currently in a relationship, but for a long, LONG time I was single before that…and I had all the same issues with annoying couples. I diligently try to avoid everything on that list!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  27. Sicilian Mama
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 3:38 pm

    I haven’t been single for almost 10 years and I completely agree with everything that you wrote. Seriously. But then, I”m not a typical married woman, so…I guess that might explain it.

    And, really? matching visors? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. And the “we” thing? OMG…I worked with a girl who did this all the time and I wanted to punch her in the mouth. The same goes for people with children…when their kid is sick and suddenly “we” have a fever? Come on! Slap me if I start doing this in a few months, OK?

    [Reply]

    Reply

  28. Benjamin Baxter
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 4:07 pm

    Seriously agree on the last point.

    My best friends tend to be couples who have that happy ending, and the girl in the couple is usually someone I had a huge crush on years earlier. Instead of begruding her — and him — for it, I’m just happy for them both.

    Low-stress outlook, yo.

    http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/

    [Reply]

    Reply

  29. Mel
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 5:39 pm

    Great points!

    To expand on #3 I think we should add that just because you’re coupled doesn’t mean he’s always invited by default. If I’m friends with someone and I ask they’d like to meet for coffee and catch up it doesn’t mean that I want to meet friend plus one for coffee and sit there while they text message each other so they can have private conversations while in a public setting. As much as your single girlfriends love your hubby (hopefully :) we still need girly time.

    Which leads me to one more item….Please stop texting so you can have secret conversations while your friends are in the room. It’s really awkward and obvious and it makes your friends feel like you don’t want to be with them. We can take the truth, let us know if don’t want to be there!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  30. K
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 7:20 pm

    You hit all my peaves thank you very much. Its so true what you said about how the search party gives up after a few months. I dont see many matchy matchy couples here in Chicago – thank goodness but when I do I throw up in my mouth a little.

    Awesome post!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  31. Elisabeth
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 7:56 pm

    Heck yes. Snaps for this awesome post.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  32. poodlegoose
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

    There is one thing about several of the comments that just makes me laugh. I’ll bet you know exactly what I mean. . . if you think hard enough. Something we have in common ;)

    But I loved this post, because I would have appreciated a little more consideration when I was single from my coupled friends. I was always the awkward third wheel, and they would have done well to make me feel less inconvenient. They would have gotten better wedding presents.

    And mmmmmm, homemade baklava. *drool*

    [Reply]

    Reply

  33. alas
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 9:13 pm

    How about going to Vegas and seeing couples in matching Ed Hardy shirts and True Religions? Gag.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  34. erin
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 10:28 pm

    As a frequently single girl, I would like to add one to this list: Don’t always try to set your friends up with y our boyfriend’s friends. Just because you like him doesn’t mean I’ll like his friend. Or his friend will like me. Deal with it.

    And the matching thing? Only acceptable at places like Six Flags where people are just straight up weird.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  35. nicoleantoinette
    Jun 16, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

    Although I definitely laughed at almost this entire post, I also really found a lot of truth in it. Good advice lady :)

    [Reply]

    Reply

  36. JK
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 5:19 am

    From one single girl to another…..AMEN!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  37. Pink Sun Drops
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 8:15 am

    May I copy this out and hand it out as a flier to all my girlfriends who are in the dating stage (and myself when I feel like I can use that as my escapism)? And then, could you adjust it to relate it to becoming a new mommy, and I could hand it out to all my new mommy friends as well. That one might have to be a little instructional as to how because they have sleep deprivation on top of it as well, but still. Dissappearing for two or three years, not okay.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  38. Penelope23
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 9:33 am

    I am a coupled girl – but I agree on all accounts.

    Very well said.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  39. Lauren
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 1:07 pm

    To everything you said – AMEN!

    [Reply]

    Reply

  40. Jacinta
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

    Bravo!
    On all counts!
    My girlfriends saved my sanity at the end of a 14 year relationship, listened to my aches and laughed with me in my single times, and then welcomed my new man when he came along (but not to the lingerie parties).
    You don’t have to lose your identity just because you have another person in your life. And I’m with you… matching ‘looks’ is a big turn off.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  41. Amanda
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 4:41 pm

    Can I just say AMEN! Every time I walk to work I am surrounded by nothing but couples. I feel like I am being judged for walking alone. I’m glad someone else out there feels the same :) I’m definitely going to stop by your blog.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  42. Kerri Anne
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 5:25 pm

    Coupledom shouldn’t be individuality crippling, amen.

    Also: I think I would laugh at myself if ever I wore a visor, matching or not.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  43. Rebekah
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 5:30 pm

    2 points for Jamie for picking Brandi to post!

    -1 for Brandi wanting a Mr. Big… Aidan, Brandi. AIDAN.

    +84 for Brandi on The List, especially #3. Heck, I still went to strip clubs even when my boyfriends couldn’t go. Sometimes that was actually more fun.

    [Reply]

    Reply

  44. Victoria
    Jan 28, 2009 @ 6:30 pm

    great post. so true.

    the question is however..
    i love my friends, but how do i tell them they are acting like idiots? (without offending them ofcourse)

    [Reply]

    Reply

Leave a Reply