jamie ann

I’ve never been one of those people who know exactly what they want to do when they get to college. I know a lot of people don’t know, but somehow they always find their way. I will be 24 years old next month. I’m completely lost when it comes to school and career. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just pick something and stick to it. It’s kind of ridiculous really. I know a lot of people don’t graduate with their degree straight out of high school, but it really bothers me that I am 24 and still no degree. I should have a real job. I shouldn’t be living at home. I say time and time again I am going to get my shit together and figure out what I’m doing with my life but I just end up more confused. Yeah, I’m great with kids, I could be a teacher. I know I’d be good at it, but is it really what I want to do forever? I suppose I can just get a degree in English and something would pop up. Should I do PR? Should I jump in completely with nursing? Should I scrap all that completely and try something in business? I have no idea what I’m doing and it’s making me crazy. I feel like a complete fuck up when people ask me where I am working now and all I can say is I’m still in school and not too sure what I’m doing. If there was a major for changing majors every three seconds, I’d be done and over with school forever ago. I’m chronically indecisive.

My parents and those close to me don’t push to doing anything I don’t want to do. I know they have to wonder, even if they don’t want to admit it, what the hell is this girl doing? Why is she wasting all our money on tuition? I wish I could tell them. I wish I could tell myself. I wish I had the passion for learning something that I just know this is exactly what I should be doing with my life. Is there some moment where everything just clicks together? Where everything makes sense and just comes together? That everything just falls in to place? Where the light bulb flickers on over my head?

Maybe that moment just skipped me by all together.

I just wish I knew.